Why Valentine’s Day Won’t Make You Feel Loved—But This Will

Inside Nat's Notebook - Real Reflections for Real Change

Valentine’s Day.

The flowers, the chocolates, the “perfect” Instagram captions about soulmates and self-love.

And yet—how many people actually feel deeply loved on this day?

Here’s the truth no one tells you: Love isn’t something you earn. It’s something your nervous system allows you to feel.

And for years?

Mine didn’t.

Why I Couldn’t Feel Love (Even When I Had Everything I Thought I Wanted)

I could give love easily. To friends. To family. To the people in my life.

But feeling it for myself?

That was another story.

I spent years chasing love through achievement. If I worked hard enough, became successful enough, looked a certain way, made people proud—then I’d feel it. Right?

Except it never landed.

I had everything I thought should make me feel loved: 

🏡 A beautiful home 

✈️ A career that let me travel the world 

🚗 A brand-new car 

👭 Supportive friends and family

And yet—nothing.

I’d sit in my beautiful house, drive my brand-new car, sip tea in some amazing new country… and feel completely disconnected.

At first, I thought something was wrong with me.

Why couldn’t I just appreciate what I had?

Why did love always feel just out of reach?

And as Valentine’s Day rolled around each year, the messages about "love yourself first" and "happiness comes from within" only made it worse.

Then I learned something that changed everything.

Why We Struggle to Feel Love (Even When It’s Right in Front of Us)

If you’ve ever felt unworthy, disconnected, or unable to fully receive love, it’s not because you’re broken.

🧡 Hear that again: It is NOT because you are broken. 🧡

It’s because your nervous system is running a different story.

🧠 Your Brain Doesn’t Register Love When It’s Wired for Survival

If you grew up in an environment where love felt conditional (even in subtle ways), your nervous system learned that love = effort.

• That love has to be earned.

• That love comes when you’re useful, successful, or pleasing.

• That if you stop doing, love might disappear.

So when Valentine’s Day tells you to “just love yourself” without addressing the deeper wiring behind it, it can feel hollow.

🚨 If Love Has Ever Felt Unsafe, Your Body Will Block It

If past relationships (romantic, familial, or social) have included criticism, inconsistency, or rejection, your nervous system may be wired to associate love with risk.

• This can show up as distrust, even when people are kind to you.

• It can feel like pulling away emotionally, even when you don’t want to.

• It can look like keeping busy because stillness feels like a void.

No amount of roses or romantic gestures will shift this unless your nervous system knows love is safe.

🔄 The Habit of Giving Without Receiving

Many of us were taught to be there for others. To show up, to give, to hold space.

But no one ever taught us how to let ourselves be held in return.

Which means we end up doing love, instead of feeling it.

Logically, we might know we’re loved. But if our nervous system hasn’t been trained to receive love, it won’t land.

And that’s why so many people feel lonely—especially on Valentine’s Day.

The Turning Point: How I Stopped Chasing Love & Started Feeling It

I didn’t wake up one day with a deep, grounded, undeniable sense of love. I wish! I didn’t suddenly crack the self-love code. It started with one small shift.

Instead of trying to love myself, I asked:

👉 What if I stop trying?

👉 What if I just notice what’s already here?

This breath. This moment. This sensation.

I stopped forcing myself to believe I was worthy.

I stopped repeating affirmations I didn’t feel.

Instead, I let love be something I felt in the quiet moments.

🌞 The warmth of the sun on my skin. 

💨 The steady rhythm of my breath. 

🛌 The way my body, no matter what, kept showing up for me.

And everything changed. Not because I worked harder at it. But because I stopped making love something I had to earn.

The Science: Love is a Nervous System State, Not a Feeling

Here’s the thing most people don’t realise:

Love is a biological state. It’s not just an emotion—it’s a physiological response.

When we feel safe, connected, and present, the body shifts into a ventral vagal state—aka, the “safe and social” mode of the nervous system.

🚀 In this state:

• The heart rate slows.

• Breathing deepens.

• Muscles relax.

• We feel connected, receptive, and open.

🚨 But if love has ever felt unsafe, the nervous system can block it. 

If your body is in fight/flight (anxious, overthinking) or freeze (numb, detached), love won’t land—because your system is prioritising survival.

This is why love isn’t something you think your way into. You have to teach your nervous system that love is safe.

#RebelMoment:

Try This Instead

For the next 24 hours, don’t chase love. Don’t try to force yourself to believe you’re worthy.

Instead, just notice love in the tiny moments.

1️⃣ Feel your breath expand. That’s love. 

2️⃣ Let the warmth of your morning tea settle in. That’s love. 

3️⃣ Notice when someone smiles at you, or when the sun peeks through the clouds. That’s love.

🧡 You don’t have to earn it. 

🧡 You don’t have to prove anything. 

🧡 It’s already here.

Your nervous system just needed permission to feel it.

The real rebellion? Choosing to reset, listen, be present.

You’ve got this.

Let this be your guide to Reset Realign + Rise.

Life feels lighter when your nervous system is your ally.

Stay Blessed!

Nat x

🧡 Your Burnout Bestie 🧡

Ready to Break Free from the Cycle of Overdoing + find your FLOW?

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About Nat

Nat Creasy, aka Your Burnout Bestie, doesn’t sugarcoat the hustle—she calls it out for what it is: an exhausting lie that’s making us all sick. As a Nervous System Mentor, Nat shows people how to break free from the cycle of exhaustion and overthinking, helping them operate from a place of power, flow, and clarity — meditation in motion.

She gets it. After 18 months knocked flat by burnout, Nat learned the hard way that constant striving is a trap. Now, she’s all about flow—teaching people that the real win isn’t about doing more; it’s about learning how to ride the waves of life with ease, in flow. Meditation In Motion. It’s about listening to your body, resetting your nervous system, and coming at life from a place of easeful power that fuels lasting success.

Tired of running on empty? It’s time to Reset Realign + Rise 

www.littlesoulshack.com